Whim
Whim
21 August 2005
Berkeley, CA
The other day this word whim entered into a dialogue I was engaged in. This word has been reverberating inside my head ever since. I guess I had better find out what it wants to teach me. I am not sure why the word seems to hold so much power. It has a stark honesty about it, maybe that’s it.
In what ways are the facets of my life affected by the whims of others? In what ways are others affected by my whims? Are whims a source of power, or a way of covering for my powerlessness? How do whims serve me? How do they wound me?
Whim came from the expression “whim-wham”. This is lost now, but there was a time when a whim-wham was a trifle or a trinket – “a whimsical object especially of ornament or dress”. It also held one of its current definitions even back then – “fancy”, as in liking something or someone because of caprice, rather than reason.
A whim has the quality of spontaneity to it. A bit out of the blue. I guess most important relationships begin this way. I recall hearing Kim and Zoë in England talking about how they “fancied” this boy or that one. So, a whim is a capricious, spontaneous notion. It is outside of reason, but not necessarily unreasonable. All still a bit confusing to me.
Acting on a whim I get. God knows I have done it enough. But what would it be like, no what is it like, to “be at the whim”, or to “serve at the whim”, or to “work at the whim” of another? Now it is beginning to get more serious, and maybe more dangerous. A whim has a regal, “off with his head” quality to it. A “because I said so, that’s why”. There is more here that just dependency. Many times, even now, I am dependent on others, but at the same time I feel safe in that relationship. I feel safe because I know (or at least I believe) the next encounter I have with them will be pretty much the same as the last one. I hope this is true for those who depend on me from time to time.
But what about when it isn’t true? What about the times when I act on a whim and it is hurtful – what is that all about? I am not sure, but in this moment I have the sense that, when I do act that way, when I do act capriciously, it is out of fear. Fear of what? That I will lose my independence? Or fear that I will have to acknowledge my dependence? I am not sure. Maybe each is so at different times in my life.
So caprice is at the root of these whims. I don’t recall ever looking into the origins of this teacher before… Glad I did. It has much to teach. Caprice comes to English by way of the French, from the Italian. (I love how well traveled this teacher is already!) The Italian capriccio means “caprice” and “shiver”. The word comes from capo – head and riccio – hedgehog. Essentially, then, capriccio means “a head with hair standing on end”, and in a way it means “having the shivers”, or being frightened.
The quality of fear was embedded there all along. Maybe if we are really awake, when that moment occurs when we see someone we really “fancy”, we should pay more attention to the hairs standing on end in the backs of our heads! Exciting possibilities are exciting also because they are dangerous.
But the fear of working, or being involved in something important, at the whim of another is deeper and maybe even more dangerous. Just before I closed up the dictionary I came upon another meaning for whim. A whim is also a kind of drum that was used in the old mining days. They would attach a horse or ox to this whim, and the animal would walk endlessly around and around pulling up ore, or pumping out water. Maybe that is what it is like to work, or to live, at the whim of another – yoked with blinders on, head down, always knowing it is there, but never seeing the drum, never confronting the whim.
Whims can be exciting, but they are also dangerous, and maybe even a bit deadly.